i received a text message from a friend a long time ago already. the message said "do not live for the expectations of other people. Live for yourself, for your dreams."

it's just something I realized as I was browsing through my Inbox and I was searching for old and useless messages to be deleted. I realized that I am now changed.. I am now a different person.


for 3 years I have been blinded by my fear of being left alone and with no one to go with. Many people will find it pathetic to eat alone or to stroll all alone in the Mall or in school. I did not see it that way before I entered College. All the time I was a kid I could handle being alone. I could eat along in the canteen. I could window shop in the mall all by myself. It was when I entered a very different world that I saw how different others' perspectives are. "culture shock" as others would put it.


I was really scared of going into College. It was because I wasn't used to having many people around me or being in a new school with many students in it. In my four years in high school, we were just a small community, who were together for four years. we knew each other for that long. i wasn't ready for this kind of change. Maybe my shock turned into something else. it turned into fear.


for 3 years I was afraid of being left behind by my friends or classmates. For 2 years I had the fear of being "shuffled" away to another section or group. and because of these fears I searched for ways to cope and to stay. I did what any other normal paranoid person in my situation would do. I lived for their expectations. I lived THEIR lives, not MINE. Yes, I was happy in school because I knew I was a part of them and I knew who I was, but whenever I went home and thought to myself, I begin to feel that I am not controlling my own life. It seemed like someone has attached strings to me so they can control me. Even my emotions were controlled. I cried uncontrollably. I frequently brushed away the thought of suicide. I became stressed. I did not enjoy my life anymore.


That was when one event shook me and a number of voices told me about what they thought about what was happening to me. I was slapped then by the realization, "yeah, where are YOU?" right after that event I resorted to reflecting.



after that break, I was determined to be a changed person. and indeed, I was. although at first, I failed a few times, I kept on thinking "live YOUR OWN life". Until I reached this point. those voices who shook me months ago also noticed the change in me, and they told me these.


Right now, I am enjoying MY OWN life. No one is telling me not to do this and do that. Of course I choose the actions and activities that I make. I was raised well by my parents. I am not affected by anything any one says. as a quote says "what others say about you is none of your business." I now smile often. I know who I am. I can define who I am. I have a plan for my future, and it's not affected by any other's opinion. I know what to do when I am all alone. I know how to meet people. I now smile often. I look at the brighter side of things more often. I appreciate more things around me. and most importantly, I treasure my friends and family more.


even though my friends and family have somehow made me into the nutcrack that I was 3 years ago, somehow, they were the ones who changed me into someone stronger and more independent.


these are just a few things that I have realized over the past few days and I hope that other people will be inspired by them:


1. it is hard to forgive someone who has wronged you, but it is easier to forgive the one who wronged you when you too, have done something wrong to that person.

2. your plans in life should come from the heart.

3. almost everything in my life happened the other way I expected them to happen. For example, when I am expecting one event in my life to be a failure, it usually turns out to be a success. Therefore, I think it's always better not to expect grandly of everything, so that you won't be disappointed.

4. in everything that you do according to your plan for YOUR OWN life, sacrifices must be given, such as time and relationships. I have found it best to offer these sacrifices to God so that He will take care of them for you and you won't have anything to worry about because you know that whatever God does, it's always for your best.

5. how to bounce. when a great force attacks you from the front, stretch out your hands and bounce away from the situation. I did it countless times already, and the bouncing injured me. I thought it best to just laugh at the force. because (go to number 6)

6. Laughter really is cheap medicine. It can cure all kinds of hurt or pain.Laugh often and smile often.

7. Revenge is something an insecure person would do. and because that person cannot use force, that person will most probably use words and play the game of Pride and Prejudice. here's a tip: DON'T JOIN THEM. They would probably lose, anyway.

8. Being with people who can accept you and compliment you about your OUTSIDE and INSIDE is the happiest. and (go to number 9)

9. Experiencing happiness always adds life and memories to your years.

10. Lastly, offer to God everything. Every triumph, every hurt, everything that made you smile, everything. Your worries, your doubts, your fears. No one else can handle all of them but Him. Remember, when no one else is left, He would still be there.





chos.. all I can see now is my future.. with constant positive thinking and hard work, I know that I would be able to reach my dream. Ü